Starlight
by Ennuibo
Summary: Starlight is the events of Pansy Parkinson's life after Hogwarts, and the re-telling of events during her time at Hogwarts
1. Prologue

Starlight, Prologue

Two days after May 2nd, 1998

Hogwarts Express, somewhere in Northern England.

" _But, he's there! Potter's there! Someone grab him!_ "

" _Before Harry could speak, there was a massive movement. The_ _Gryffindors_ _in front of him had risen and stood facing, not Harry, but the Slytherins. Then the_ _Hufflepuffs_ _stood, and almost at the same moment, the_ _Ravenclaws_ _, all of them with their backs to Harry, all of them looking toward Pansy instead, and Harry, awestruck and overwhelmed, saw_ _wands_ _emerging everywhere, pulled from beneath cloaks and from under sleeves._ "

Pansy and her fellow Slytherin students who were forced to evacuate immediately after the battle of Hogwarts were on the Hogwarts Express, taking them home to their families. . She did not know what awaited her at home, but knew due to her stupid mistake thinking she could convince everyone to give Harry Potter over to Voldemort to secure their safety, she felt uneasy in her stomach. Her mind began to panic as she worried for Draco's safety, and the safety of her parents. She knew that they would answer their call as Death Eaters and serve Lord Voldemort at the battle, but hoped they had made it out safely.

The train arrived at King's Cross at about half past ten, pulling into the near empty Platform 9 and 3/4th, a few parents stood on the station waiting for the arrival of their children. The train was bringing home as many kids who left Hogwarts after the battle was over. Many parents had taken their children directly from the school and got them home on their own means. Pansy stared out the window in the hopes she would see her Mother and Father, but did not see them mixed in with the few people that were there. ' _Maybe they're running late'_ she said to herself, thinking that somehow they had survived the battle and had gotten away without being identified. The train halted to a dead stop. ' _Please make sure you take all of your belongings left in the carriages before exiting the train'_ said the voice over the intercom in the train. Pansy gathered up the bags she had in her compartment, and took the one large suitcase from above the entranceway to the compartment and made her way off the train. She rolled everything to a cart on the platform and began to make her way to the entryway to get off 9 3/4th's and back into the muggle world. There was no sight of her parents anywhere on the Hogwarts platform, nor on the King's Cross platform. Without giving up hope, she got a train to take her back to her region of England, and took the long ride home without anyone coming with nodded off to sleep for another long train ride.

The train stopped at station in Southampton, and Pansy gathered everything once again and got out of the station as quickly as possible. Instead of waiting for anyone to show up, she grabbed ahold of all her belongings and apparated home.

A few seconds later, Pansy was standing on the doorstep to her home, snug in the countryside that was calm and quiet. She entered the house and it was completely silent inside, no movement on the first floor. Rolling her bags through the door, she heard movement from upstairs. A figure came down the steps and paused midway through.

"Pansy? Is that you?" a voice rang out quietly, Pansy replied

"Yes Rose, It's me, no need to worry." The figure came gliding down the steps and ran directly into Pansy's arms.

"Oh I'm so happy you're home! Mum and Dad said they went to pick you up from Hogwarts on the 2nd! Are they with you?"

Pansy knew right then and there that her parents had gone to fight at the battle, and they still weren't back yet. She felt light inside her head at the idea that her parents would leave their youngest daughter home alone. _What if I never came home? She would be sitting here worried sick about all of us. I can't believe they would lie to her._ " Pansy said to her sister "They went out for a bit, and they didn't say when they would be home. But don't worry, I'm here now." Rose looked up at her, with a slight worried look on her face, but she smiled none the less.

Pansy eventually got all of her belongings back up to her room, within a hour she was unpacked and back to her normal home life. She looked out the window that was perched on the third floor of the narrow house they lived in, and wished her parents would come home soon.

 _Two years later, and she was still waiting for that day._

 _August 16th, 2000._

 _Two years after the events of May 2nd, 1998._

"Rose! Get up already! We need to go get all your supplies!"

Pansy was standing in the kitchen trying to wrap up a boxed lunch for herself and her sister's journey to Diagon Alley. Rose came down the stairs and grabbed her bookbag, and waited for Pansy to finish up. Once the lunch was wrapped, she hurried herself and her sister out the door and apperated to the entrance way of The Leaky Cauldron.

 _I started to resent my parents a week after I had gotten home. I knew they wouldn't come home. They were probably dead, and no one bothered to identify them, probably just threw them in a pile and let them rot. I could care less, they werent coming back. Did they really think I would be able to take care of everything at home with them gone?_ Both sisters had to adjust to life without their parents, even Rose had caught on that her parents weren't coming home, and it resulted in a few teary nights that Pansy had to deal with. And in the time she had been home, Pansy had gotten one letter from her 'friends' from Hogwarts. A letter that wasnt even signed, only describing how much of a disgrace she was for what happened at The Battle of Hogwarts. She pushed the memory of the letter to the back of her head and both herself and Rose proceeded into The Leaky Cauldron, hoping for the best.

The pub had not changed since 1991, a damp feeling was in the air and Wizards and Witches huddled around tables and stools around. Bartender Tom was still in the center, tending to the various patrons standing at the bar. Pansy hurried her sister passed everyone, trying not to attract attention to the back entrance to Diagon Alley. A quick tap of the bricks and they were both in the confines of the alley. This wasn't what Pansy imagined her sister's first year at Hogwarts would be like. No parents, a sister with a bad reputation, she hoped she wouldn't be picked on or bullied because of it. It was no secret with what Pansy said to Harry Potter. Pansy never regretted what she had said that night, but the repercussions grew to become an overbearing blight on her life. Her parents had drilled into her from the moment she was able to talk that muggles were absolute scum of the earth, and she should not treat any of them with respect. The naive child she was, she followed what her parents said, not realizing what it would cause all these years later. The sisters walked slowly down the center of Diagon Alley, trying to blend in with the large crowd that bustled about. They first stopped in the re-opened Flourish and Blotts, and gathered the necessary books needed for Rose's first year. Pansy had to tell her sister that she could not buy a book that was placed in the clearance bin that was on sale for a single silver Sickle, an old copy of Magical Me by Gilderoy Lockhart. Rose exclaimed "But he looks like he might know stuff i may need to know!" Pansy sighed and ignored her, knowing the fraud he turned out to be. As the day progressed on, the crowds in the alley grew bigger and louder. The duo progressed down to get Rose her first wand, selected by Ollivander himself. When they entered his rebuild store, it was barren. A family stood in the back corner looking at Wands. Ollivander was standing at the front desk, looking tired, wrinkles around his face. Pansy was surprised after the events in 1996 where the Death Eaters kidnapped him, that he still continued to create wands. They approached the desk, and the old man smiled gently.

"Ah yes, First year at Hogwarts?"

Pansy had opened her mouth, but Rose interrupted her.

"Yes! I'm so unbelievably excited!"

He laughed heartily and looked at Pansy, the smile slightly faded from his face, but was still visible.

"Ah, Mrs. Parkinson. I remember the day you stepped into my shop for the first time with your family, Cherry with Unicorn hair, 9 inches, correct?"

Pansy nodded, gulped and spoke

"Yes, it was. It's still in great condition to this day."

Ollivander spoke again

"Good, good. Now then, lets get your sister her set up with this wand."

Less than a half hour later, they walked out of the shop with Rose's new wand in hand Ash, with Dragon Heartstring, 8 and a half inches. Rose clutched the box tightly in her arms, and was beaming. Pansy was just thankful her sister was enjoying her time out, but was still on edge with how Ollivander reacted to her in his shop. She never expected him to be cold, but she felt a facade over every word he spoke. He hated what the Death Eaters had done to him, it nearly broke his spirit. Pansy remembered what Draco had told her during their 6th year that he was being tortured by Voldemort. For what reason she was unsure of, but one can assume why he would want information from him. Quickly hurrying to make the last stop to get Rose's cauldron needed for potions.

" _Why cant we get a new owl?"_

Rose sighed as they browsed for the right sized cauldron, Pansy took one look down at a standard-sized pewter cauldron, and she said

" _We already have one, we don't need a new one."_

" _But all the first years will have an animal of their own!"_

Pansy sighed loudly, and hissed

"Rose, we are not buying an animal. Now take this cauldron here and bring it to the counter."

Rose pouted, and grabbed a hold of the cauldron that was a tad bit bigger then her head.

It wasn't long before they had gotten back home, they both brought the supplies into the house and placed them in the cupboard closet for the time being. They both quickly washed up and ate dinner in a somewhat deafening silence. This wasn't something Pansy was cut out for, she had always been a good sister to Rose, but she wasn't cut out to be a sort of mother on top of being a sister. She just wanted Rose to be happy, but Rose couldn't see that the world around her wasn't as pleasant as she believed it was. No book could prepare her for what the wizarding world would eventually mold into in the coming years.

 _Things were about to take a drastic turn in a completely different direction._


	2. Life In Paper (1)

_Sorry for such the long wait everyone! I went on holiday over the weekend and put this on the back burner a bit. I spent the past two moonlight evenings writing this, seeing as i tend to write more remorseful and depressive when i stay up later. Please enjoy the next chapter of Starlight!_

Starlight

Chapter One

Life in Paper

September, 1996

Slytherin Common Room

A group of student were sitting by the open fire in their common room,the moonlight shined upon the windows and gave only a slight outline to everyone seated in the room. A dark-skinned boy who was leaning up against the wall laughed loudly as he spoke.

" _You kicked in Potter's nose?"_

" _That filthy shit was spying on us the whole time in the train car. I hope he enjoys that broken nose."_

" _That'll teach him!", A girl separate from the group shouted._

" _Pansy, did the classes get posted?"_

" _They did, they're over on the bulletin board. Potions with the Gryffindors first thing tomorrow morning."_

" _God, we need to spend another fucking morning with the mudbloods and scum once again. I wish they had never accepted them in the first place. They don't deserve to walk these halls."_

 _August 31st, 2000_

 _King's Cross Station, London_

Pansy's vision began to unblur as she walked with her sister onto the train platform. Vision's from the past had been haunting her every step of the way for the weekend leading up to today. Rose was to begin her first term at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry , now under the tenure of Minerva McGonagall, who took over after the events of 1998. Platform 9 3/4th was filled with wizarding families saying goodbye to their children. A boy ran by Pansy with his Owl cage in tow, his family a few steps behind, looking quite pleased with their sons enthusiasm. The Daily Prophet reported that the conditions at Hogwarts have since improved with the 'new management', and the hostile enviornment brought about by Serverus Snape and former Death Eaters had completely disapeared. Rose tugged at Pansy's hand, to which Pansy jerked her hand away, her mind snapping back into the present, and looked down at her.

'You'll write to me every week right?' Rose said brightly, her head tilting ever so slightly.

Pansy gave a slight smile and responded back

'Yes, I promise I will make sure I send you a letter each week. I'll be there every step of the way with you.'

She worried that, like herself 10 years ago and many young children before, that Rose would worry too much about the house she was sorted in. Pansy knew from a young age that she would be a Slytherin as her parents explained that her pure-blood status would bring her into the best house with her friends. But from what Pansy had read in the Daily Prophet, the sorting hat was now allowing First Years to have an input into what house they wanted to be sorted in to. It had been brought about after many years of sorting based off family history and blood status. The train began to give off steam and Pansy snapped back into reality. She leaned over and gave Rose a big hug, and helped her up onto the train. A few moments after that, the Hogwarts express began to pull away from the platform slowly. Pansy didnt see Rose hanging out any of the windows, but waved just in case she was looking out a window. As the final car in the train pulled away, a family standing only a few feet away from Pansy was begining to turn away, the middle aged looking female said "I do hope Damien is sorted into Hufflepuff. The older, stern looking man nodded and said "He will be. If all of his family was in Hufflepuff, he will too. Any house but Slytherin is still best." They strided away quickly and apperated from the platform. Pansy began to proceed back to the entrance way, her eyes darting around in case any of her former classmates were on the platform. She secretly hoped that she would see someone, but her stomach was telling her no. After reaching the entrance way, Pansy began to get herself ready to apperate back to the house. A boy bumped into her shoulder as he passed her by. Rasing her head, she was about to excuse herself when the boy spoke

"Pansy Parkinson? Is that you?"

Pansy, realizing who it was, spoke softly

"Arent you Dean Thomas?"

Dean nodded, and said back to her

"You recgonize me! Hey, no hard feelings about what happened back, well, you know. It's the past now, so I just want you to know a few people dont harbor any bad feelings toward you."

Pansy stood in place silently and didnt nod, not knowing how to respoond.

"I should get going, my family is probably wondering where i went off to. Swing by The Leaky Cauldron when you can! A few of the guys and girls from our year are having a get together on the third, if you could be there that'd be great!" He ran off quickly, disapearing behind a corner.

She stood frozen on the spot. No hard feelings? And it only took them two years to even tell her that? She didnt even want to think about it, let alone show up to the meeting. There was little to no interest in her heart to confide with former students, she had no friends, why should she trouble herself and give them the satisfaction of showing up? Shaking her head, she exited the train platform and apperated back to the house. Her mind once again drifted to the memories of her childhood.

 _May 8th, 1991_

' _Now, Pansy dear, when you go to Hogwarts, we want you to keep one thing in mind. There are going to be children the same age as you who are completely different from you. You may hear that their parents are 'Muggles'. You must keep in mind, that you are not to associate, or be seen with these children, understood?'_

' _Of course Mother'_

 _September 2nd, 2000_

Days had passed since Rose had left for Hogwarts. The countryside outside of Southhampton was quiet and calm. The trees were a light shade of amber and orange this time of year, the leaves had yet to fall, but the season was changing from summer like weather to the calmness of fall. Pansy stood beside her bedroom window and watched as a group of children played in the field across from her home. She knew the parents of the children, and always remembered during the summer one family would always talk about how they would take exotic vacations to far away lands. Romania, Italy, Japan. Rose had always asked if they could go to such places, but her parents refused to take her, resorting to a trip to London or Liverpool. Pansy never complained about where her parents took her, but she too wished they could get away from Britian and travel far away. It's not like they were poor, like some familes. She shut the blinds to her window and sulked over to a seat in the corner of the room. She had spent the past two years being shut in the house, only having the company of Rose, and occasional visits from estranged family members who were too afraid to speak of her parents. Pansy always remarked during these meetings that her parents were dead to her, and that they should never be brought up in the house ever again. Her aunt and uncle who lived across the channel in France had pleaded the case that Rose should be raised with a proper 'Mother and Father' figure, to which Pansy threw them out and told them to never step within 500 feet of this house. She was the only family that Rose truely had, and she wasnt going to give her up.

A letter had arrived through the post earlier in the morning from Rose, it layed upon Pansy's bed, lightly torn open at the seam.

Dear Pans,

 _I was sorted into Ravenclaw! The sorting hat said that i showed great amounts of knowledge building in my head, so he sorted me to them. There are 12 other new first years alongside me who were sorted into Ravenclaw, so I'm sure im going to make new friends._

 _By the time this reaches you, my first lessons should be in session. I will let you know how my first week goes!_

Love, Rose

She had read over the letter a dozen times, she was just happy she wasnt sorted into a house she didnt like. Pansy had also taken to writing a letter of her own, not to Rose, but to someone she knew dearly.

 _Dear Draco_

 _I dont know how I'm going to put this in writing form, but seeing as you wont answer to any of my other letters. I havent heard from you since, 'that' day. And truthfully I feel as if you dont want to hear from me._

 _If that is the case, whatever relationship you think we had is over. It probably has been over, but I dont want to continue waiting on someone who doesnt even bother to respond to any of my letters for the past two years. I do wish you the best in, whatever it is you will be doing._

She intently stared at the letter sitting infront of her, feather still in hand. She was fighting back tears the longer she looked at it. It was something she did not want to admit, but after all this time she needed to move on. She sealed the letter, and went down stairs to give it to the owl to send off to him. The owl took it in it's mail pouch, and flew off into the distance. Pansy watched as the Owl disapeared over the horizon of the forrest, and she sat on the top step of the porch. Draco, the boy of her dreams, never even once thought of mailing to Pansy during the time after the battle. All the months before that, her room during the summer was filled with letters from him, sometimes multiple letters in a week, and she had read them over and over to herself late at night. It was the only positive light she had in her already bleak future, but now that was simply fading into the night. She wiped her eyes, biting her bottom lip again as she fought back a tear. The past was now a moment in her life she had finally moved on from, and she was ready to start a new life, with out the boy she cherished.

July, 1992

Sitting in the dining room of her house, Pansy put forth a question to her parents.

" _Mum! Dad! Is it okay if I have a friend from London visit for the weekend?"_

" _Who is it?"_

" _Draco Malfoy!"_

" _Oh yes Pansy, of course. His family is Pure-Blood, this will be great for the family line!"_

" _Shes only 13 dear, I doubt that is something we should be concerned about right now"_

" _The time will come Norman, she needs to be ready as soon as possible."_

 _September, 1994_

" _You're such a pathetic piece of trash you filthy fucking mudblood! Go back to your home where you belong!"_

 _Her voice echoed through the halls of hogwarts, a first year, barely 11 years old, began to sob loudly as she went running down the opposite end of the hallway._

 _Oh How I wished I could go back in time and kill my parents for turning me into the pureblood bigot I am today. Better yet, I should have just killed myself._


	3. Dear Future (2)

_Starlight_

 _Chapter Two_

 ** _Dear Future_**

 _[Sorry for such the long wait for this chapter! Once again, the whole chapter was written while I was on holiday. I got caught up in a lot of college course work and haven't had the time to sit down and write anything.]_

 _[Chapters don't have a specific upload schedule, I know someone of you don't like to be kept waiting, but i have a terrible habit of writing stories extremely slow. I'll try to get on a better schedule very soon.]_

 _So please, Enjoy this long awaited chapter of Starlight._

 _Summer, 1993_

 _Dear Diary_

 _A boy who I have been friends with since my first year of school asked me out on a date at the end of the term. I said yes as he wasn't too stupid, but he was such the looker. Mum and Dad had no arguments when I told them about the plans to meet this summer once again, but they seemed very overjoyed to find out it was Draco Malfoy. I haven't been able to take my thoughts off of him, he's an absolute perfection in human form, and he treats me with such grace and dignity. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to get a kiss from him, if he's willing of course.._

 _March 1995, Hogwarts_

 _Dear Diary_

 _He took it from me. I lost my virginity to Draco Malfoy in the girls bathroom tonight. It was as magical as I had imagined, the initial feeling hurt like hell but after a few minutes it felt like heaven. We almost got caught by a perfect who came in at the last minute! It was pure 20 minutes of bliss and it's everything i've dreamed of! I don't think the girls are going to believe this when I tell them, nobody will._

Evening of September 2nd, 2000, Southampton

 _It's amazing what the young mind of a girl can be tricked into doing when she's madly in love. How naive my parents had made me._

The wind cried quietly against the trees, the last bit of summer air was fleeing from the upcoming fall weather. Pansy was sitting on the front porch outside of her house, cigarette in hand. Her parents had forbidden her to use any sort of muggle product, but she had always kept a stash of things when the time came. It helped her clear her mind of everything that would run through like a bat out of hell, and it was the only solution she had to quell her already damaged spirit. Blowing the smoke from her fifth of the night, she looked up at the setting sun and how the stars were beginning to form in the sky.

There was nobody there to hold her when she cried, no one was there to ask her what was bothering her or making her look depressed. All she had was herself, she couldn't bring all these emotions onto her sister. Her old Hogwarts diary sat beside her on the porch, in a ragged condition with pages bent and torn from the book, but a large number of pages were written on with entries from all the time she had spent at Hogwarts. Reading through it made her remember what she had considered to be the best times of her life spent at the school, making new friends and having adventures every week. But as the years went by, the diaries became more and more darker, the happiness she had as a child when she started had faded into a facade that was becoming a ball of hatred, and by the last entry she had little remorse or emotion for the old Pansy.

But here she was, sitting here wishing she still was the young open minded girl from 1991. She had friends, she had a family. More importantly. She had happiness, something that seemed so far in the darkness no matter how far she reached she could never grasp it again. But all that was left was emptiness.

 _September 3rd, 2000, London_

 _The mist enticed me. I never wanted to come here in the first place, but there was a mist that came over me._

The weather in London was a dreary, overcast day. Pansy stood with umbrella in hand as awkwardly looked up at the sign hanging outside of the pub, The Leaky being invited by Dean Thomas, she had entertained the thought of showing up to this, meeting, or get together, whatever you would call it. Clinging to the single thought that no one had held what she had said that night against her, she opened the door with the hopes of not being terribly embarrassed by whoever was going to be there. The pub was crowded with a few old style dressed patrons, the obvious wizard looking sort who were happily enjoying their drinks as they gossipped between each other, a larger crowd had gathered in a corner, seeming to be populated by young teenagers. Pansy recognized one of the boys and walked over towards the group, her heart beating as slow as she could walk. With every step she took closer to them, her heart began to beat much slower and heavier, the anxiety of interacting with people once again made her extremely nervous.

Dean Thomas was speaking to a few younger looking, maybe near the age of 16, boys who looked on eagerly to what he had to say. He heard a distinct clink of shoes behind him and spun his head to look over his shoulder. "Ah Pansy! Good to see you showed up!" he boomed loudly, and the group fell silent instantly. Pansy stopped in her footsteps, the slow beating heart started racing at a moments notice, and there was a small visible shock to her face. Instead of speaking, she just nodded and made a noise that sounded approving. Dean spoke again "Please, we're going to get a room on the second floor so we can all share a few drinks." A young looking bar maiden was leading the group ahead of them to the second floor, and everyone followed intently. Before proceeding up the steps, Dean took a moment to spin on one foot and stopped Pansy "I know this is probably really awkward for you right now, but I just want to give you a heads up. I promise you that no one is here to tear your head off. We're just here as a gathering of old students who are going to share a few drinks and stories from the past summers. If you dont want to be here, you can just-" Pansy cut him off at the end "Dean, I will be okay. It's not like I'm a wanted woman or anything." She gave a slight upward curl smile to her and started back up the steps.

The room they were put in wasn't exactly the most grandiose of rooms, but there was enough seating to fit the twenty or so kids that had shown up. Pansy's eyes darted around the room as she tried to recognize anyone who had gathered there, a few people she recognized instantly, she caught the top of the head of what seemed to be a Weasley due in part to the Fire Red hair that popped from the top of their heads, but she couldn't see their face through everyone else. She took a seat at the far end of the table besides a few un-nameable Ravenclaw students who she could not remember the names for her life. But at the head of the table, one person stood out from the whole crowd, and her stomach did a flip that felt as if her organs were about to come pouring out of her bellybutton.

Draco Malfoy was sitting at the head of the table, dressed in his normal jet black suit, his hair didn't have a single bit out of place, speaking quietly to a brunette haired girl that was sitting to his left, who seemed to be enjoy the conversation as a great smile was on her face. Pansy started to shuffle her feet on the floor as she stared more and more down to Draco, who had yet to even bother to look up the other end of the table where she was sitting. She hoped and, secretly, wished that he wouldn't bother to look up. Her heart was already in shreds after she had just sent her letter not more than 24 hours ago. She moved herself behind the Ravenclaw girl so she couldn't be seen by anyone sitting down the table.

Conversations were scattered between everyone, talks about family, memories of Hogwarts, remembering those who had passed on at the battle. The girl Pansy was sitting besides made small talk with her

"You're Pansy Parkinson right? We weren't in the same year but my sister in Ravenclaw mentioned your name a few times"

"Really? I know things really weren't, the best between the houses, but-"

"She killed herself in 1996. Your friends Crabbe and Goyle bullied her to the breaking point." the girl cut Pansy off mid-sentence, Pansy's heart sunk through the floor.

"I-I never really was _good_ friends with them, but I'm sorry for your loss.."

"I dont want your sympathy. I just want you to know the pain my family has to live with." The girl finished the butterbeer she had in her hands and slammed the pint on the table, and left the room immediately.

Pansy sat deathly still in place, her hands convulsing along with her heart racing again. She buried her face into the table and held back a loud sniffle and tried her best to hold back tears.

She felt a light tap on her left shoulder, without raising your head she said "I'm just putting my head down, everything is okay."

"I'm not here to tear your head off. I want to say, no hard feelings right?"

Pansy lifted her head up, and standing beside her was Harry Potter, the same look as always, bushy unkempt black hair and his glasses, but no longer in distress. He looked relaxed and happy, Pansy had only seen him tense during Hogwarts terms.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. For everything. For all seven years of it." Pansy spoke softly to him

Harry shrugged and repeated "It's no problem at all. Good to see you came, I hope there's a few people here that you're able to get along with. If you need anything, just let me or Dean know."

Harry walked back across the room to a group of what looked like to be former Gryffindor students, the Weasley Pansy saw earlier being Ron, who hadn't even changed a bit, but his hair even longer than before. Wiping what remnants of tears she had left, she got up from her seat and made her way across the room, toward the group. As she passed the head of the table, an arm reached out to stop her.

"Your letter was two years late. Why wait all this time if you knew it was doomed from the start?"

 _I'll never experience the world you inhabit._

 _August 1993,_

 _Dear Diary,_

 _My first date with Draco went extremely well, we both went out for dinner in London, our parents had to tag along sadly, but they kept their distance. Draco is so dreamy, he's been so kind these past few months and I'm happy we were finally able to spend personal time together. But over everything Draco was saying, all I heard was them discussing something about Bloodlines and the future. I couldnt make clear of alot of it, but my father and Lucious Malfoy, Draco's father, shook hands upon departing from our company. I asked my mother about it, and she told me to ignore everything i had heard, for it was adult talk._

 _Mom and Dad are such a drag._


	4. This Will Destroy You (3)

Starlight

3

This Will Destroy You

 _this chapter only took so long because I never worked on it. i hit a wall towards the end of the summer and lacked the energy to complete this chapter. starlight is a side hobby that i take my time with. and i try my best to write as much as possible in small amounts of time_

 _thank you for bearing with the long wait._

 _-enni_

 _Entry Undated_

 _I could sit here and tell you all of the sins and inhuman things we did to Mudbloods. In 1995, Crabbe and Goyle came across a first year Ravenclaw who was lost in the hallways at Hogwarts, and instead of being normal students, they strung her up to a torch on the wall and watched as her robes burned off of her. She screamed and pleaded for them to get her down, until Goyle grabbed a hold of her ankles and ripped her right out of place and slammed her into the ground. We pushed many kids to the brink of suicide. We even had kids who put up a fight and ended up getting broken bones over it all. Why did we do it?_

 _I couldn't tell you. Frankly, I couldn't even tell myself that it was right to begin with. But I kept doing it. Any girl who disrespected me, I bullied them, I ganged up on them, insulted them. And nothing was ever done about it. Kids were too afraid to tell professors or prefects. They knew what would be done if they snitched. Draco and I spent summers together, starting in our Second year we each spent about two weeks at each other's houses. Our families seemed so happy for us to be getting along, and I had no idea what was going on behind it all._

 _I should have never found out._

 **The Leaky Cauldron, 2000, resuming**

Pansy stood dead still in place as Draco's words echoed through her head. _Why here? Why now? Of all the places, Why this place._ She pushed through his arm with all her might and continued toward Harry and his friends, but Draco was behind her. ' _I only received that letter this morning. I must say, two years of absolute silence is a relationship killer. Was it true what i heard? You locked yourself up in that house with your sister because you were afraid people were going to come after you?'_ His words were not audible, but Pansy heard him through her mind, and she stopped in place and spun on one foot to face him.

Draco looked as handsome as he always had, but there was slight fuzz on his face, a change from his normally clean shaven face. Even with all the disgust that rumbled through her stomach, Pansy could not help but feel light hearted when she looked at him. She stuttered as she spoke within an arms distance of Draco. ' _Surprising to see you here.'_ hissing through gritted teeth, Draco dropped his smirk and folded his arms " _Potter extended the invite to this meet up to me. But, least I was expecting you to show up in the flesh. I would have brought your belongings you left at my house."_ Harry and his group had taken notice that there was a change in the air near them, and he stepped through the group and opened his mouth to dispel the two of them, Draco had cut him off quickly.

" _Have you told your sister what her parents really were? Or do you continue to shelter her and pretend they disappeared? She probably knows already, I'm sure someone has made mention of it. Your sister is smart, you're not. What a shame, that she has to find out about her parents through someone other then the only family in her life."_

' _Pansy, Draco, we are all here as friends, there is no need to do th-'_ Harry said to both of them, trying to make his voice as loud as possible without yelling. Pansy cut him off mid sentence with a loud, piercing screech of a scream, and she took a large right hand swing at Draco's head. Draco ducked underneath it and grabbed ahold of her arm, and held her as she struggled to get free.

' _You no good son of a bitch! You fucking ABANDONED ME, YOU KNEW MY PARENTS WERE NOT GOING TO COME BACK, AND YOU SPENT TWO YEARS IGNORING ALL OF MY LETTERS! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE, HAVING NEIGHBORS TALK FROM OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE, 'THAT PARKINSON GIRL IS THE ONE WHO TRIED TO TURN OVER HARRY POTTER.' ROSE THINKS HER MOM AND DAD DIED DEFENDING HOGWARTS. I CANT BRING MYSELF TO BREAK HER HEART, SHES ALREADY BEEN THROUGH TOO MUCH.''_

The room went quiet within a millisecond, everyone had focused on the two of them in the middle of the room. Draco let go of her arm, and Pansy continued, " _I only did what I did for OUR safety. YOU wanted me to do it in the first place! You told me that if given the chance, you would have grabbed Harry and taken him right to Voldemort! But instead, you and your family bitched out and LEFT! How dare you have the nerve to say I'm the one who did wrong here!"_ Her right arm moved quicker again this time, and connected directly into Draco's face, the sound echoing in the room. Draco stumbled a few feet backwards before reaching up to his face and rubbing the spot where Pansy's hand connected with him, his facial expression filled with anger. Within seconds, he stormed out of the room, cursing, and slammed the door on the way out. Pansy stood rooted in spot, her breathing heavy and drawn out, every eye in the room was staring at her, a girl standing beside Ron looked like she had seen death come and take someone from the living.

" _Pansy, is everything alright?"_ Harry spoke as he walked up beside her, his hand patting her on her shoulder " _I shouldn't have invited him in the first place, I knew he would end up still being as smug as he was."_ Pansy wiped a tear away from her face quickly and said through pursed lips " _It's fine. I'm the one who shouldn't be here."_ She went back to her seat and put her head between her arms. The silence went back to the chatter it was before she entered the room, and she did not interact with anyone else the whole evening. No one came up to her, no one consoled her. She just sat in place as the hours passed, and slipped out of the room after some time, her eye makeup running down both sides of her face.

The fog from earlier had dissipated and heavy rain was covering London in darkness. Children ran through puddles while parents tried to chase them away from getting too wet. She didn't apparate, she walked in the rain and received looks as she walked by people on the street, her hair and robes soaked completely, yet umbrella in hand, unopened. Time passed, the rain let up at times, and poured even more at the snap of a finger. But she continued to walk through the streets in silence. It wasn't until she reached the riverfront before she stopped to look up from the downward view she had for the past few hours. Her makeup was completely washed from her face, and her hair was a complete mess. The crying had stopped, and she finally opened up her umbrella to cover her head and body. A man walking by took notice of her ragged appearance, and spoke " _Alright ther' miss?"_ Pansy shook her head in approval and said " _Car splashed, it's alright."_ He still looked confused as he continued on, no cars in sight, and here stood a woman soaked from head to toe. He turned back, and she was gone from sight.

 _Entry December 1994_

 _I beat a girl today to within an inch of her life. I don't know why._

 _She was mocking my "terrible looking" hair this morning, so myself and a few other girls jumped her in an empty hallway and got a jump on her. Her nose was absolutely shattered and bleeding everywhere, best part of it was we went for her eyes first, she won't know who jumped her._

 _Was she a mudblood?_

 _I don't know._

 _Still felt good._

It was near midnight by the time Pansy arrived back at her house. No rain in sight, she quickly entered her house and removed her soaked clothing and threw it into an already growing pile of her robes that have gone unwashed for a few weeks. Climbing the stairs to her room, she collapsed into her bed and started sobbing salt tears into her pillows. She wanted this suffering to end, she didnt want to be a hermit for the rest of her life and she didnt want Rose to suffer the same fate either. Her mental state was damaged from being told at a young age, brainwashed by her parents, that Muggles were the scum of the earth, and the wizards and witches who married them were the worst. Pure blooded families like the Digandi's and the Malfoy's were the families who kept their lines pure, and never broke the rule to marry Muggles or half bloods. Pansy's family was strictly pure blood and was overjoyed that the Malfoy's gave them permission for Pansy and Draco to date, to once more keep the pure lines going forward. And as the years went by, her parents told her to be hostile towards them, to show no mercy. Pansy did as they asked, and never questioned what she was doing, nor the emotions she felt from it. Only when her parents abandoned Rose without warning did she start to question and curse her parents, how could someone leave a young child with no certainty that _anyone_ would have returned to take care of her.

She rolled over and stared up at the empty dark ceiling in her room and sighed, there was no one here to talk to. It was just herself in this house, and the silence was deafening. She reached over to her nightstand and took a tightly knit leather bound book, and a feather next to it. She opened it up and opened to a blank page.

Entry September 2000

 _Thank you pain. The old Pansy no longer exists. My old ways will no longer consume my life, and I am starting anew._

 _If I do not, This will destroy me._

The book silently hissed to her "secrets kept shall never leave this book." And she closed the book and looked at the blank cover for a moment. A word was whispered in the silence, and the book flashed red and turned into a pile of ashes on the bed. Pansy swept them aside and rolled over to sleep.


	5. The Sweetness of Paranoia (4)

Chapter Four

 _The Sweetness of Paranoia_

 _Note; Deepest and sincerest apologies for this chapter being long overdue. I lost interest in writing this story midway through chapter three, but have recently been pushing myself to complete this chapter. Currently, I am writing two chapters at a time before releasing one to the public, as to prevent long waits between chapters._

 _Special thanks to Torri for listening to me gripe about this chapter over the span of 7 months, and for also pointing me in a direction I was unsure of. Written on a caffeine induced trip of The Hush Sound, The Agonist, Periphery, A Day To Remember, and Jeremy Soule's Harry Potter compositions_

 _So without further ado, Chapter Four of Starlight._

 _The evening of May 2_ _nd_ _, 1998_

 _A group of Hufflepuff seventh years stood in a corridor, blocking Pansy and another Slytherin student form reaching the safety of the Slytherin dungeons. Pansy barked an order at them to get out of the way, but they didn't listen. One grabbed ahold of Pansy while another took a silver dagger and dragged it from the top of her robe to her waist, grasping it and tearing it into two upon completion. Screams echoed through the hallways that were filled with explosions and screams from other corridors. But it was if no one heard them, she screamed out for Draco, but her pleas were muffled behind cuffed hands, and the next half hour was a blackout. She woke up at the legs of her friend, who was lying lifeless beneath a pile of debris that had fallen from the celling._

 _I keep screaming louder and louder, but nobody could hear my screams._

Counting the clock, Pansy did nothing but toss in turn in her sleep, her clad body half sprawled out from the bed. The singular thought of being alone with no family, no friends, not even her sister could be here for her right now made her restless and anxious. The rain beat against her windows even harder then before, causing her ears to drown in an unbearable white noise. The rain wasn't helping her one bit; she dragged herself out of her bed and made her way into her bathroom, and took a look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was ragged and unkempt, dark lines had begun to form underneath her eyes, and she was more gaunt looking then normal. The nightmarish thoughts of what truly happened that night bled into her thoughts, and the hair rose on her skin. She splashed hot water into her face and rubbed her eyes from the thick crust of sleeplessness, a voice in her head whispered " _Are you afraid of the end? You shouldn't even be here. It should have been YOU underneath those rocks."_ She shook her head violently, and grabbed her robe from the back of the door. _I cant live thinking on this forever._

The night poured into the early morning, the rain passing and a thick but light colored fog poured into the fields where her house stood. Making her way down the steps to the kitchen area, Pansy drowsily threw her house robe over her already clad body. ' _Don't believe a word they're telling you. It's a new day. This is now, it is not the past'_. A thought came into mind, something that was always bothering Pansy on a daily basis for the past few months was the idea of having Rose to continue living in such a broken household, as she felt mentally, she couldn't handle the stress of keeping everything in check for both herself and her sister. It was only a year ago, when they both got into an argument over who would take up simplistic chores around the house, to which Pansy forced Rose to complete them simply because she had other things to complete. Rose didn't hate Pansy, but there was a lot her sister didn't agree upon. Would things have truly been different if her parents didn't die at Hogwarts? Or would the both of them be punished even more to the point of a mental break down. The thoughts blurred in Pansy's head and she tried to think of other things. Putting a pot of tea on, A large slam, as if plastic and glass smashed together, startled Pansy back into reality. A black and brown owl pecked outside the kitchen window above the sink, a parchment in it's pouch around it's body. This was the first post that wasn't delivered by the usual barn owl that came from the Ministry. She opened the window and took the parchment from the Owl and ripped it open without thought. A neatly, cursive drawn header was at the top of the parchment and it read out,

 _Pansy,_

 _Hello! It's Dean Thomas again, I had to do a bit of digging to find where to send this to but I want to extend my personal apology to you for the events that happened at The Leaky Cauldron. In hindsight, inviting Draco was a complete oversight on our part and we (Myself, Harry and Ron) meant no harm to come between the both of you. If you ever need support, please by all means contact either of the three of us and we'll meet up with you._

 _Dean_

People were showing concern for her for the first time since she was a young child, she was on edge she should believe them in the first place or if it was just more fuel to the fire. But there was something different deep inside of her gut. Dean would have never gone through the trouble of looking for address if there wasn't a true and real reason to. Pansy grabbed a quil and ink from the shelf nearby, and scribbled a quick response back

 _Visit me whenever you please, today even. I will be here._

The owl set off on its journey back to where it was sent from, The sun was starting to climb over the trees in the yard and the fog was dissipating. A wave of the wand dried off the seat on the porch, which she sat in and she listened to the sounds of the countryside around her. The faint hum of the nearby town was prevalent on her mind, she had never traveled to it on her own free will, and she never explored it with her parents. A small town with a main population of muggles with a few wizarding families lived there, but none had ever interacted with the Parkinson family. She planned to go into town eventually, but she would need to bring herself up more before taking that journey, whenever that day would be, if it even would come to part.

Pansy always remembered her parents would always her and Rose around England instead of exotic places, the world outside of Scotland and England was a mystery for her. Draco never took her anywhere either, it was either dates at Hogwarts, or weekends at respective houses. She drew the pack of cigarettes again from the pocket of her robe and lit the end with a small spark from the end of her want, and took another long draw of it. Is this what muggles felt like when they were going through a dreaded part of life? Smoking had become such a routine with her, she knew her parents would be looking at her from the afterlife probably cursing under their breath that muggle products were touching her lips. Rose would not approve either, almost ratting her sister out if she didn't do as she said for an entire week. _Was Rose happy at Hogwarts? She's in better hands instead of being here while I'm having a crisis at my young age._

The gray clouds of the sky parted and the sun started to slowly bleed through the fields, Pansy stared up at it. She hoped to escape this place, or to find some meaning in her life.

 _Hogwarts, 2000_

 _Ravenclaw Tower Common Room_

A young first year was sitting in a comfy turquoise chair by a window, staring down into the woods nearby. Her first few days at Hogwarts were always as she dreamed, everything had a layer of mystery too it, and everyone seemed happy and content. Her first day of lessons went tremendously well, and she had even made a few friends who shared similar interests with her.

A group of fourth years came over to where the first year was sitting, and asked a question without her turning around, _"Are you Rose Parkinson?"_ The girl sitting in the chair swiveled her head around her shoulder and nodded happily " _The one and only!"_ The group walked up to her, and the head of the group placed her hand on her shoulder " _You let us know if anyone bothers you, alright? We'll be here if you ever need anything."_ Rose nodded once more, and thanked them. _Why were they offering to help me? No one was bothering me, are there people here that don't like me? Across the courtyards of Hogwarts, a group of Slytherin students were practicing spells of varying degrees. A crimson haired, pale faced girl whispered to the boy sitting next to her, who replied back loud enough for the group to hear "Soon. We'll fix what's right."_

Inside the Headmaster's office of Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall sat at a desk in the loft the room, tending to the new students registration papers, flipping through the names until she came upon Parkinson, Rose. Stamping it with a Ravenclaw symbol, she whispered to a nearby painting for them to fetch Professor Flitwick, the Head of House Ravenclaw.

Within a few moments, the small figure of Flitwick shuffled into the room hurriedly.

" _Yes Headmaster?"_

 _"_ _The Parkinson sister was sorted into your house, I want you to take extra steps to make sure she isn't harmed or bullied by any other students. Kingsley sent a message down the line saying that a meeting took place at The Leaky Cauldron between former students, and her sister Pansy was in attendance. It's the first time she's been seen with former students since the night of 1998."_

 _"_ _Is there something we should be concerned about?"_

 _"_ _For the time being, no. But I think it's in the best interests of the school and for her that we keep_ _her out of trouble entirely. Something happened to Pansy while she went here, and I'm worried if something happens to Rose, we'll have a problem on our hands."_

 _"_ _Are you referring to what the Hufflepuff students did?"_

 _"_ _It came from Peeves, he isn't entirely trustworthy, but I wouldn't put such a terrible thing past that group, after all she did to Muggle-Borns and anyone against Pure-Bloods."_

 _"_ _Yes, right. I'll keep an eye on her, and I'll inform the other teachers to do the same"_

 _"_ _No need for them, just make sure no one in house does anything."_

Flitwick bowed his head and shuffled out of the room again. She went back to flipping through the papers once more, the sun slowly rising above the tress of the Forbidden Forest.

The small village in Southampton was home to around 300 people, it wasn't bustling, but many of the residents kept to themselves. The storm that poured thorugh the night was finally passing, the ground still a complete mess of wet and muddy cobblestone. A woman dressed in mostly green, with gold trims around the sleeves and bottom of her clothes, walked into the town square, clutching a small basket for carrying small items. She walked into a nearby shop where a middle-aged man with brown hair was sitting behind the counter, reading a local newspaper with everything but the top of his head covered by it. " _Excuse me, Sir?" , The woman with the basket spoke quietly, the man reading the paper lowered it to his eye's and said " 'eah mis? 'uo need sumffin?'_ The woman spoke to him softly " _I was wondering if you carried a brand of cigarettes by the name o-" "We only carrie' one type 'miss, filtered reg'" "That'll be fine, I'll take two." Placing the paper down, he reached under the counter and grabbed two small packages of cigarettes. The woman put some money on the counter, waving away the man for her change, and walked out. Exiting the shop, she took a single cigarette from a package, and lit it quickly. Taking one drag, she spoke to herself_

 _"_ _Now, let's go see what this Parkinson girl is all about.", and she continued walking toward the countryside fields outside of the town._


	6. Starlight Update

just an update on starlight, six months later.

the story is currently being re-written after loosing progress recently, I am slowly but collectively working on the next chapter of the story, and should have it out within the next few weeks.


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